Yesterday, Sunday, we found our horse, Satin, lying flat in her field. After trying to roll her so she could get up, she was on a hill, head down. I realized she had broken her hip. Diana and I stayed with her until the vet arrived to euthanize her. We held her head and whispered to her as we could see how much pain she was enduring.
Satin was in her late thirties, which is very old for a horse. I knew this time would come, but I still feel the crystalized grief embedded in my heart. Satin was a sweet horse and enjoyed the attention of my grandchildren and everyone who came up to the gate to pet her. She would gingerly trot down to the barn to get her grain, and I would stand and listen to her quietly chewing and thoroughly enjoying each bite.
We have had several horses, as my children did 4H for many years. I have had to go through this process several times as taking on the role of caring for a horse involves making the hard decisions when they reach the point they cannot walk or are suffering. It never gets easier to make the hard decision to euthanize an animal, and as much as I am grieving, I am grateful for the relationship I had with each of them.
Satin will be my last horse as I cannot ride anymore and need to manage my physical output due to my skeletal problems, so this time, I feel sad and final.
I will miss watching her in the field as I tend our gardens. I have beautiful memories of her and our horses at this farm. As I feel the grief today, I celebrate life's moments, both happy and sad.